my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
