the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
