It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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