Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
