On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As shirtless as possible
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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