Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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