i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
