your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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