so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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