I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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