I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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