the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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