So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
