my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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