I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
