She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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