So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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