So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They took my balls.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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