just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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