I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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