she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
