I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
