How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
