I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize