I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
