can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
