what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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