The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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