I heard we made out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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