fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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