I'm really into asian looking animals
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
