I want you more than these girls want KFC
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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