last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
