i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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