I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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