I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
