Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
