mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He felt like a one man threesome
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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