And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
