just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
