Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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