somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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