Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
