no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
