ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
