so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
