I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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