I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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