I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
