Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
either way he was missing a nipple.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
