Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
