I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
