i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
