i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
