its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
