You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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