i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
