4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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