Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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