Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
