So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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