her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
