I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
