This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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